Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My turning point.

A turning point in my life would have to be when I lost a massive amount of weight. Pretty much my entire life I have always been a “big girl” and I got teased a lot all throughout school and even at home. I used to weigh 379 pounds. In a way I can kind of relate to Precious and how she felt. The world looks at your differently when you are different. But I only knew about one thing when I would get my feelings hurt, when I would lose or when I would just be feeling sad about something and that was food. It was my comfort zone, my security blanket. It has changed my life not only physically but mentally as well. I feel good about myself now, but when I look back on the harsh words that people would say to me and the pain that I felt deep down inside it saddens me. I used to make fun of myself before anybody else could and laugh along with the other kids that would call me names even though on the inside, I was crying. That led to me cutting myself. I started when I was thirteen years old. That is a day that I will never forget. I was at school. It was near the end of the day and I just could not take it anymore I was tired of the name calling, tired of the tears that I cried everyday from all of the cruel students that I went to school with and most of all tired of the body that I was in. I wanted to be like the cheerleaders and all of the other athletes. I wanted to be that skinny girl that had the cute boyfriend I wanted to be anybody but myself. After that day I went home, entered the bathroom, removed a protractor from my book bag, broke it in half and began to press a jagged side of it into my left wrist. I did this until I bled. At that moment in time, nothing else mattered. Even though it was painful it felt way better than the other pain that was being caused by people who I thought were my friends. When I look back on this I wish that there was someone to tell me something, anything that would have made a difference. Nobody told me not to eat too much of this or don’t get to a point where you will look like that. I had to find out how vicious and cold-blooded the world was on my own and I had to find out the hard way. Music, art and writing were a HUGE output for me and still are to this very day. Instead of bottling up all of my feelings or crying about something I grab my journal or sketch book instantly and begin to draw or write. To me it is very therapeutic and even if a person has no one to talk to or is feeling sad, alone or upset. You can always put every single thought on paper.

1 comment:

  1. EXCELLENT start here, Asha. What a provocative story you have told. Now, can you move this into the realm of a well-polished, well structured personal essay? This is wonderful as a blog entry but I'd love to see you put more effort into deliberately constructing a narrative that pulls the reader in. Develop some of the key moments -- perhaps an additional example or two (maybe a scene you recall?) will help you develop this further. The purpose is to use your personal evidence just like you would in a traditional essay: to develop your main point further.

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